 Toasted bran muffins with plums |
Result: Gladden the hearts and colons of the fibrephiles. Please lovers of baked goods. Shock and anger unclean meat avoiders.
• Family Potluck, Brunch Scenario
No. 2: Bring basket of plum bran muffins. Omit bacon marmalade.
Result: Alienate the anti-dairy collective.
• Family Potluck, Brunch Scenario
No. 3: Bring basket of plum bran muffins, as planned. Assure anti-dairy collective that vegetable oil was used in place of butter, and vinegar-curdled soy milk instead of buttermilk. Offer schmears of heart-smart margarine.
Result: Offend sugar abstainers.
• Family Potluck, Brunch Scenario
No. 4: Bring basket of plum bran muffins made with blue agave syrup (which is still sugar, is sickeningly sweet, but not worth arguing about). State that the fig jam was made with half the sugar of ordinary jams, and is optional.
Result: Make the gluten-free crowd feel left out.
• Family Potluck, Brunch Scenario
No. 5: Bring basket of plum bran muffins made with blue agave syrup and gluten-free flour. Bring agave bottle and gluten-free label for certification.
Result: Provoke vegans and
chicken activists.
• Family Potluck, Brunch Scenario No. 6: Bring basket of plum bran muffins made with blue agave syrup, gluten-free flour and egg substitute made by soaking ground flax seeds in warm water until gloopy. Bring photographic evidence of happy hens, sitting in nests, strutting a yard with a view, getting massaged, and attending natural birthing classes.
Result: Answer to organic and 100 mile dieters.
• Family Potluck, Brunch Scenario No. 7: Bring basket of Plum Bran Muffins made with blue agave syrup, gluten-free flour, egg substitute. Attempt to halt uprising that's occurred while trying to please everyone. Make a collage of labels that prove all ingredients were locally sourced and unmeddled with. Sign name to collage and have notarized.
Result: Receive Facebook update that a social networking movement has broken out and has already gone viral. Upload collage to no avail.
• Family Potluck, Brunch Scenario No. 8: Serve what can only be called Frankenmuffins, with no spreads whatsoever.
Result: Face quizzical looks from everyone else in the room, who used to think I was a good baker.
• Family Potluck, Brunch Scenario No. 9: Bring original muffins. Eat them myself. Share with anyone who agrees to sign a non-liability contract.
Darcie Hossack is a food writer and author of Mennonites Don't Dance. For past recipes, nicefatgurdie.wordpress.com. Her column appears each week in Okanagan Sunday. Contact her at
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Toasted bran
muffins with plums
(makes 12)
1 1/4 cup wheat bran
2 Tbs wheat germ
1 cup all-purpose flour
1 1/2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp baking powder
1 cup buttermilk
1/4 cup half & half
1/4 cup butter, softened
1/3 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 tsp pure vanilla extract
1 large egg
3 Tbs honey
3 Tbs blackstrap molasses
1/3 cup golden raisins
1/3 cup pumpkin seeds
1/4 cup chopped plums (fresh in season or frozen, thawed and drained)
Preheat oven to 425F.
Spread wheat bran and wheat germ evenly onto separate baking sheets. Place in a 350F oven, one at a time, watching closely, until each toasted (when it smells nutty and warm). In a small bowl, whisk bran and germ together with flour, baking soda and baking powder.
Whisk together buttermilk and half & half.
In a large bowl, cream butter using an electric beater until butter is very light. Add brown sugar and mix on medium-low for 2 minutes, until fluffy. Scrape down bowl. Add vanilla, egg, honey and molasses and beat until just combined.
Working by hand, using a rubber spatula, stir in half of the flour mixture, followed by half of the buttermilk mixture. Repeat until combined. Fold in raisins and pumpkin seeds, then gently fold in chopped plums.
Divide between 12 paper-lined regular-sized muffin cups. Place in oven and immediately reduce heat to 325F. Bake for 28 minutes, or until a tester comes out clean. Remove from tins and set on a baking rack to cool completely.
