You might be a Canadian

Oh, Canada I love you, I’d kiss you on the lips, if you weren’t like a mother to me.

I’d never disrespect you or dishonour your good name. I’d never throw trash on your floor, toss a cigarette butt in your backyard or pee off your balcony.

How about you? Can you state those words without a small spark of guilt?

Canada is a fairly new country, and like any new kid on the block we’ve made our share of mistakes, but if I were to give us a grade: A–

We grew up right next to our big brother the United States of America. And like all brothers we’ve had our spats, but for the most part, we stuck together. Even through two world wars.

Both of our countries take great pride in the fact that we share the longest unprotected border in the world.

But what do you do if your big brother becomes abusive, vindictive and instead of being protective – you begin to worry about your own safety?

I remember an uncle when I was a kid; I thought he was big, strong and as cool as Elvis. But as I grew older, I began to see he was just a fat, boisterous drunk and about a half of a bubble off centre.

The family still had love for him, but after a while no one wanted to be around him – but in that little boy’s eyes he was a great man – once upon a time.

My family moved to the United States when I was a boy, and when Americans screamed “U.S.A.” they were so loud, proud and patriotic. When we moved back to Canada there was none of that ‘Rah, Rah, Rah. Zip. Boom Bah!’

Just like that little boy, who once admired his vagabond uncle, I’ve grown and hopefully grown wiser; I now realize that quiet dignity trumps blind pride.

We not only stand on guard for thee, Canada. We stand for something on the world stage; we are the true north strong and free.

Canada stands for honesty, kindness and humanity. We rate high on places people want to live and raise their families.

Canada offers education, safety, beauty and a diversity of people all living in relative peace and harmony.

Canada has four seasons, unlike the lands to the south that feature hot as hell’s fire to tornado alley to horrible hurricanes.

Canada has resources as well, from Sexsmith B.C., to Dildo N.L., to Climax. Sask., we’ve got it all.

Even though we have a lot to crow about; if you’re the kind of person who wouldn’t puff your chest and cock-a-doodle-do that fact — you may be a Canadian.

If you see someone slip on the ice, and you laugh your ass off before you help them off theirs – you may be a Canadian.

If you whack a bully up-side the head with a hockey stick – you may be a Canadian.

If you see some jerk throwing garbage on the ground, and you automatically reach for your hockey stick – you may be a Canadian.

If you’d rather watch sunsets than the Kardashians eat dinner – you may be a Canadian.

If some Canadian politician won’t protect us from possibly infected Americans crossing the border during this pandemic – may they be whacked up-side the head with a hockey stick.

Stay safe. Stay strong. Be a good Canadian, wear a mask in public spaces.

Email Bernie Bates at: beeinthebonnet@shaw.ca