Four Horsemen

In lore, it is written that the four horsemen are harbingers of the end — well, times have changed so I’ve decided to update these four fortune tellers. 

Like all stories that are passed down throughout the ages; quotes change and authors take licence as history marches on. As an example: today, those four men would be driving Toyotas.  

According to some books, it is written that on the white horse rides pestilence; could this be in reference to COVID-19?  

You can see how some people might believe that pestilence and the virus are in some way connected to the apocalypse. Who knows, maybe one day these silly paragraphs could start a rumour.  

You know how fast and exaggerated rumours can be? 

Reputations can be made or ruined; an innocent kiss could become a fondled boob. 

Speaking of studs, the red horse carries War. Another author wrote that empires would crumble beneath thundering hooves, blood would run in the streets and bring about anarchy. 

It sounds a lot like the ‘red’ horse is in the race to the White House. It’s too bad we peace-loving neighbors to the north couldn’t bet on the blue jackass to win. 

There is an old mantra in war: divide and conquer. 

Does that sound familiar to you? How could you not take notice, it’s been on CNN? Racism is spreading faster than a grass fire, and like all grass fires, they don’t recognize borders. 

And just like in real life, after everything has been burnt to the ground, in rides famine upon his black steed.

Historically after every red horse of war has wreaked havoc, it’s followed closely by lean times. 

 Do I have to remind you of the great toilet paper scare? 

Life without toilet paper? Can you imagine that? I’d just die.

But a roll of paper would be the least of your problems if famine caused hording, scarcity and then finally starvation rides into town in the dead of winter. 

So, it is written: During your final transition comes death on a pale horse. Some scribe claims you’ll spend eternity in heaven or hell depending on whether or not you’re a rule follower or a rule breaker. 

Have you ever broken a rule? Then you too, can go to hell. 

Do you have any idea how many times there have been warnings about the four horsemen? The simple reason is that humanity keeps making the same mistakes time and time again — war after war, after war. 

I’m just the latest man of notes (hack) to reword an old fable from times of yore. 

We live in uncertain times, and when people get edgy and nervous, they do stupid things when they’re panicked; like hoard toilet paper. 

I joked to a friend that if society started to unravel, the first thing I’d do is hijack a truck full of toilet paper; because I know I’d make a s**t load of money. Pun intended. 

My hope is that in a hundred years from now some wit with a “thought chip” in his head won’t be writing about the horsemen riding again. 

The year is now 2020, I wonder how long it will take before Darwinism rids the world of disease, wars, hunger and fools who vote for fools?    

Email beeinthebonnet@shaw.ca